


Talk it Out

by MKZ4345



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Coping, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 07:31:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13026207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MKZ4345/pseuds/MKZ4345
Summary: For Part One:The twins heal. Slowly. But they do.For Part Two:She should have asked.For Part Three:Some wounds aren't visible. (thanks to a little magic.)





	1. Part One: Lup

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever TAZ fic, and it's mostly me venting my own feelings about the characters. The first part is mostly my feelings about Lup and how she deals with things. The second part is mostly my feelings on how Taako would react to things. Both are a little OOC I think, but I've never been good at that. The third part was going to be part of the second but I felt like it needed its own, so I separated them. Comments are always welcome, please be nice! I'll always accept criticism as long as it's constructive. Also, let me know if you want me to cry real hard and make one for Magnus. Because I could.

After the Hunger, after the losses, after the pain, the fear, the fighting, the pure _fun_ , Lup is so fucking tired. Maybe not physically, but mentally. The moment they win, the moment they all stop crying and cheering and fucking _reeling_ Taako’s first words are “Fuck, I’m tired.” Lucretia suggests that they all stay at the Bureau until they can figure everything else out. Lup had nodded, saying that there was a lot to clean up.

Barry, being blessed with a corporeal form, hugged Taako for Lup. This happened sometime after dinner, when Taako had uncharacteristically broken down into tears in the hall. Lup felt her whole being rocked and sparking, worried, sad, angry, _pleading_ … Barry hugged him for her. Lup curled in on herself. Taako sobbed on Barry’s shoulder for no spoken reason.

Around the time everyone finally went to their bedrooms, probably without rest, Lup realized she would have to wait a stupid amount of time before she could be corporeal again. To sleep again. Lup decided to take on the task of checking every single room of the base, often talking with people who were still awake about stuff. While she needed her own therapy (not going to lie) she felt useful when she acted as theirs.

Merle had taken everything pretty well, knowing that his kids were safe was the only thing that had mattered to him. Lup could respect that. Magnus was… Handling it. Magnus was shaken, and decided not to sleep. Lup could respect that. Leaving Magnus to carve some midnight chairs or something, Lup made her way further into the dorms. The next person she went to, and was not expecting to find, was Lucretia.

Lucretia was sat on her desk, yes on top of it with everything else cleaned off, and was writing lazily into a journal. She jumped something fierce when Lup fazed into the room, nearly dropping her pen.

“Lup?” Lucretia slammed her journal shut.

“Hey, I was just coming to see if you’re doing okay.” Lup tried her very best to have open body language, lean on the wall with her arms crossed or something, but it was difficult when you didn’t have muscles. “I can’t sleep and, unsurprisingly, neither can a lot of people.”

“O-oh… I’m doing fine, I suppose…” Lucretia bit her lip, looking down at her journal. “I was just jotting down some thoughts. I didn’t feel like sleeping.”

“I can respect that.” Lup sure was doing a lot of respecting. “Anything particular on your mind?”

“How can you be so cordial?” Lucretia looked up at Lup, tears brimming in her eyes. “I erased you, I took you from your brother, I caused them all so much pain!”

“Hey!” Lup held up her hands, floating over to Lucretia. “I didn’t know that, I was trapped in a literal mess of my own making. Lucy, I know why you did what you did.”

Lucretia didn’t respond. She just watched her tears land on her journal in her lap.

“It was the best option for everyone, I know you wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t thought it through.” Lup offered warm energy, for lack of anything physical. “I get it. Plus, your plan worked! Maybe not in the way you first thought it would, but it worked.”

Lucretia shrugged, not trusting her voice.

“Hey, listen.” Lup said this a bit louder, prompting Lucretia to look up at her, which she did. “You did your very best. You tried, it worked, and we- _I_ am proud of you. Lucy, you were by yourself for so long, and you managed to hold out. Would it have made it easier to include at least one of us? Maybe. But I can’t fault you for wanting everyone to have the chance to start fresh. I would have wanted that for Taako. I’m proud of you, Lucy.”

Man, if Lucretia was crying before, she was bawling now. Without the ability to hug her, Lup projected more warm energy. This seemed to make Lucretia feel better, her sobs eventually evolving into a giggle.

“… I still regret it.” Lucretia said after her breathing calmed.

“That’s okay.” Lup assured, smiling. “It’s okay to have regrets. But I’m proud of you.”

“Yes, I know, thank you mother.” Lucretia rolled her bloodshot eyes.

“Man, I wish I’d met your mom. I bet she was a badass, just like her daughter.” Lup said playfully. Lucretia chuckled fondly.

“Yes, she was an unshakable force.”

Lucretia and Lup talked for a while, sharing stories. Eventually the topic got to Lup being trapped in the Umbrastaff, and Lup tried to seem unfazed by the topic. Couldn’t risk losing composure without a corporeal body. Lucretia wouldn’t say it, but she saw right through it. Lup wouldn’t say it, but she knew.

Eventually, Lup went on to someone else. Undoubtedly the person who needed a hug the most had found one. Little trooper, Angus McDonald, in the caring and strong arms of Lup’s own knight in shining armor, Barry, sitting together on one of the couches in the common room. Lup listened to their conversation instead of intruding, though she knew Barry could sense her.

“You went to the med bay for that cut, though, right?” Barry asked, checking Angus’ elbow and inspecting the bandage there.

“Yes, sir.” Angus nodded, sniffling. Oh god, Lup couldn’t handle the kid crying, maybe she should go…

“Good, I’m glad you’re okay.” Barry smiled, warm and caring.

“Sir, is Taako going to be alright?” Angus asked, his tone worried. Barry faltered.

“Wh-what do you mean?” Barry tried to sound convincingly not startled, but failed.

“He was crying earlier, and refused to sleep alone.” Angus said.

“He’s just dealing with the shock.” Barry assured. “He’s going to be fine. He just needs time.”

Lup’s heart pulled and yearned and before she knew it she was headed toward Taako’s room. She really wanted to see him, hold him, hug him, cry with him. Stupid non-corporeal form.

Taako’s room was dim, but not that dark. Candles were lit and placed about the room. Taako himself was walking around the room, not nearly close to sleeping. Kravitz was sitting on the bed and just listening. Instantly Lup pulled back, not wanting to intrude. But she wasn’t sneaky enough, and Taako froze.

“Lup?” He called, and she couldn’t help but answer.

“Well, damn, I’m caught.” She came through the door and smiled at her brother. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you two.”

“No, please join us.” Kravitz said from behind Taako, and motioned with wide eyes to Taako.

“So, how’s my little brother been holding up after saving the whole goddamn world?” Lup said with a smile, but Taako’s answer was pretty similar to what had gone down earlier. He wept.

Kravitz held him and Lup felt responsible.

Unable to converse any more, Taako resigned himself to organizing his books while Kravitz and Lup spoke in the hall.

“He’s not doing well at all.” Kravitz said, catching one of his long braids and worrying it between his fingers. “Whenever he tries to talk it out he just loses himself in a trail of thoughts that always leads back to you. Then he starts crying again.”

“Shit,” is all Lup can manage, feeling her heart twist.

“I’ve never seen him like this.” Kravitz looks at Taako’s door.

“Neither have I.” Lup admits. “We’ve had some rough times, even before the IPRE, but this has never been his reaction to something traumatizing.”

“That’s troubling…” Kravitz was silent for a while. “I feel like I know you more than I do.”

“I think a lot of people will feel that way.” Lup shrugged. “Though, I had a question for you.”

“What is it?” Kravitz is nothing if not polite.

“How do you become a reaper?” Lup had this question sometime around when she had met Kravitz and seen the sick shit he was able to do.

“That’s…” Kravitz seemed to have an idea. “An excellent idea.”

“Huh?” Lup tilted her head, confused.

“Sorry, let’s talk about that later on, I think I should try and get Taako to sleep.” Kravitz felt slightly awkward telling Lup to leave, but she understood.

“Go ahead, he needs to sleep.” Lup went to leave but then quickly turned back. “Oh, also, make sure he sleeps and doesn’t meditate or some shit, he needs _sleep_ , got it?”

“Yes ma’am.” Kravitz chuckled, but nodded seriously.

Lup felt useful until now. Taako was hurting and she couldn’t help.

She felt herself drift as a few days passed, not physically but mentally. Barry served as an anchor, seeing as he is the only one who can extend his lich energy to her in a way that she can feel. Everything else kept her grounded using her other senses. The smell of Davenport’s cooking, the sound of Lucretia singing idly, the sight of Magnus slowly carving a statue over a couple months.

Eventually, and not a moment too soon, Barry announced that the body he’d been growing for Lup was done. That day, walking to the breakfast table, Taako dropped his plate and lost his appetite instantly. Barry took Lup and Taako together to the tank, deep in the base.

“Okay, so first, you probably won’t have all your memories perfectly, but I’ll fill you in on everything you told me.” Barry said, using his science voice.

“Got it, hot stuff.” Lup smiled. “Can I get to it then?”

“Go right ahead.” Barry stepped aside, letting Lup take in the sight of the large green tank.

“I’ll have to grow my hair out again…” Lup said absently, fazing into the tank and pulling herself into the body.

Taako wouldn’t admit it, but he held his breath for a solid minute while they waited for her to emerge. When she did, Barry gave her clothes and a blanket. He spent a solid hour explaining everything she might not have remembered, and she was slowly getting back into having a body.

Eventually, Lup stood and stretched. She then proceeded to tackle Taako.

“Get the fuck over here!” Lup yelled, jumping and locking her arms and legs around Taako, knocking him right over. Her hold on him was like a vice, crushing her face into his neck.

All Taako could do was cry, gripping her hair and letting himself be held tight by the only person who mattered to him right now.

They stayed there until Barry insisted they move somewhere more comfortable. Instantly, the air changed, and the twins shot up.

“Nap pile!” They said together, and Lup grabbed Barry by his collar and yanked him along.

Somewhere along the way to the common room the twins grabbed a ridiculous number of blankets and pillows. Taako screamed for Kravitz, who showed up disheveled and worried, and snagged Angus from the library. Lup ticked Magnus and Lucretia into coming to investigate, then swiftly trapped them.

Here’s the current scene: Lup and Taako are squished together in the middle, wrapped around each other like competing vines. Kravitz is next to Taako, having been convinced to take his suit off and try sweats for once. Kravitz is also extremely comfortable and asleep. Barry is next to Lup, his arms wrapped around her middle and his face pressed to her back. Next to Barry is Lucretia, who was also convinced to drop her professional clothing for a comfortable ensemble of a large sweater and leggings. She is also very comfy and very asleep. Next to Kravitz is Magnus, who is using Angus as a teddy bear as he snores like a bear. Angus is fast asleep too, still wearing his dress shirt. He had folded his sweater vest neatly and set his glasses on top of it and set them both on the counter. Next to Magnus and Angus are Carey and Killian. They’re curled up around each other and also sleeping soundly. On the other side, next to Lucretia, sits Davenport. He had been convinced to join, but he had drank coffee that morning. Instead, he decided to read a book about boat maintenance.

Taako and Lup, though, aren’t asleep either. They’ve been simply looking at each other every now and then, making sure they’re still there. Eventually, Lup decides to talk, hushed as she must be.

“How ya doing?” She asks, starting to braid some of Taako’s hair behind him.

“Pretty fuckin great, now.” Taako answers in a sigh. “I really missed you.”

“I bet you did.” Lup smiles. “I missed you more though.”

“Seeing as you’re the only one who remembered the other during all this time, I think you win.” Taako chuckles.

Lup is silent for a while, relishing the feeling of her brother’s breath on her face. The jostle of his body when his diaphragm contracts in laughter. The sound of his lilted giggle. Lup idly wonders what time it is.

“I can’t imagine how awful it was in the Umbrastaff…” Taako says quietly.

“I won’t lie,” Lup sighs, her breath catching in her chest. “It was really horrible.”

And Lup _feels_ Taako’s heart pull in sadness.

“At first, I had no sensory awareness,” Lup mentally scolds herself for the stupid habit of using scientific terms when she’s uncomfortable. Stupid Barold and his habits being passed to her. “Then I did, and then all I could do was watch.”

Taako pulls her closer, and Lup presses her forehead against his.

“I forgot what it was like to really feel stuff…” Lup kept her eyes closed, then jolted and opened them. “I don’t want to close my eyes. Ever.”

“Then don’t.” Taako replies.

Barry shifts behind Lup and the twins freeze. Slowly, Barry’s snoring started up again. The twins let out sighs of relief.

“I don’t want to wake any of them.” Lup says. “We all deserve sleep.”

“That we do.” Taako nods. “Are you going to try?”

“Maybe…” Lup doesn’t think she will though.

“Afraid you’ll have a nightmare?” Taako asks, not in any way joking.

“… Maybe…” Lup admits quietly.

“I’ll tell you a story then.” Taako decides, and gently clears his throat.

What follows is a crazy story that is completely true and not fake, and slowly Lup becomes more comfortable simply listening to his voice and not hearing the words he says. Davenport won’t say so, but he’s also listening to the story and slowly becoming more tired. Eventually Taako puts himself to sleep with his own stupid story even.

Slowly the nap pile dwindles throughout the rest of the day and into the night and next morning. The only ones left are the twins. Curled up in the blankets and pillows, reveling in the warmth of each other, and sleeping perfectly soundly.

When Barry finally comes to check if they’re still alive, at about hour 20, Lup wakes up and glares at Barry so hard that he feels like he’s physically pushed back from them both. Then she seems to realize who he is and makes a sorry face.

Barry doesn’t hold it against her. Taako is her heart, and she just got him back.

At hour 25, the line is drawn. Barry and Kravitz both pull the blankets from the twins and brace for retaliation. It comes in the form of about ten pillows being thrown at them, the two groggy twins muttering in elvish. Kravitz and Barry convince the twins to take a shower, and to Kravitz’s horror the _three_ of them shower _together_.

Barry insists it’s normal, saying that on the Starblaster they had pretty close living quarters. Kravitz can’t place his feelings on this just yet, but nods anyway.

After that, the twins are forced to eat, and boy do they.

The kitchen is a blur of dark skin and blonde hair, Lup making everything she’s ever learned how to make, Taako making every food that doesn’t involve berries for some reason. Barry and Kravitz sit at the table and simply wait, having been kicked out very early on.

“I’m glad they’re feeling better.” Kravitz says, having nothing else to do but talk while the twins make a feast for about 60 people.

“They’re not.” Barry sighs. “In the shower, Taako basically cried a lot and Lup sat in the corner under the hot water. They’re holding it together for us.”

“Well, then I’m glad they at least trust you.” Kravitz says this without thinking, and somewhere in the kitchen something is dropped. Taako storms out and points at Kravitz with a used soup ladle, his face determined.

“I trust you with my life and death.” Taako hisses, scolding. Kravitz instinctively shrinks a bit. “Don’t think for a second that this is because I don’t trust you.”

As Taako slowly backs into the kitchen, Barry hardly holds his laughter. Lup is screaming laughing in the kitchen at her brother’s sudden outburst though. Kravitz idly thinks that Lup’s laugh is something everyone needs more of.

“Maybe they are feeling better.” Barry chuckles.

The food is less served and more devoured by the twins, with the leftovers spread throughout the kitchen and dining room for Barry and Kravitz to eat on. Barry insists this is normal, though he notes the amount of food the twins ate is probably unhealthy.

After the food is stored, barely fitting in the fridge, Barry and Kravitz follow the twins on their next rampage: clothes.

After concluding that all Taako’s clothes are too outdated (even with Kravitz pointing out the clothes he bought for Taako literally during the months that led to Lup getting her body back) and they decide to use them to make new clothes. This confuses Barry, which worries Kravitz.

Lup supplies that they used to do this on the road. They would collect clothes from the people they traveled with and then would create new clothes and outfits with them. She explains that they were taught how to sew by their aunt, and that they constantly practiced so as never to forget her. Now they just make clothes.

With newly made outfits, the twins watch the sun rise over the Bureau.

And after all this, the twins feel better.

Lup feels safe, Taako feels safe, and while they may not be fully ready to say they’re better, they feel ready to rejoin the world properly.

Lup and Barry start working in the Bureau’s labs with Lucas, Taako sees Kravitz off back to work and then goes to find Angus.

Over the next few weeks, they do well enough. Sometimes Lup needs to be held, and sometimes Taako needs to wear a black veil over his face, and sometimes the twins need to take a full day to just sleep and hold each other, but they do well.

And the sun rises. 


	2. Part Two: Taako

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako has feelings, and sometimes he can't ignore them.

It had been all of two weeks after Carey and Killian’s wedding that the others had realized not everything had been resolved over the year. Taako had been cooking lunch for everyone as they waited, having visited the Bureau for a sort of reunion to catch up on things. Lucretia, having just finished explaining the work she’s been doing since the wedding, had gone to get a glass of water from the kitchen. As she idly chattered about her work, got her glass, and rejoined the group in the commons, she realized something that made her gut twist. Taako hadn’t spoken to her all year.

As she realizes this, she stops short of what she had been saying, and Lup sits up straighter.

“What’s wrong?” Lup asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I-…” Lucretia stops herself. Maybe she’s overreacting, Taako is cooking after all, he’s probably focusing very hard. “It’s probably nothing, but…”

The room had her attention now, and she feels small.

“I think Taako hasn’t talked to me all year.” She admits, looking into her glass of water.

“That just can’t be true.” Lup shakes her head.

“Yeah, he had to have.” Barry nods, then looks off like he’s thinking. “Well… Actually…”

“If you think about it, it does seem like he’s been avoiding Lucretia…” Magnus says, staring at this coffee mug worriedly.

“He probably doesn’t even know he’s doing it, I’m sure he’s fine.” Lup stubbornly argues, standing up and walking toward the kitchen. “You all can theorize but I know him. He’s not avoiding you, that’s ridiculous.”

As Lup leaves, Lucretia thinks back to when Taako had first gotten his memory back. How his words to her had been so sharp, how he felt like everything had been taken from him, and it had. And it was her fault.

Lup, having entered the warm kitchen, watched as her brother spun around the room to attend to setting the plates. Absently, Lup counted the plates for no particular reason. She put names to the plates, too. Merle, his kids, Carey, Killian, Magnus, Barry, Kravitz, herself, Angus… Shit.

“Taako, can I talk to you for a second?” Lup piped up, staring at the only area of the counter that didn’t have a plate.

“Sure, what’s up?” Taako turns to her and smiles, and Lup’s heart soars for a moment.

“Do you…” Lup hesitates, wondering if there’s a better time to bring this up. “Do you have something against Lucretia?”

Taako doesn’t physically change his expression, and he doesn’t physically move, but Lup feels her heart tighten and can almost see his do the same.

“I’m just asking because you’ve been, I don’t know, almost avoiding her?” Lup crosses her arms and leans on the doorway. “I’m just checking, you’re not in trouble or anything.”

“Do I have anything against her?” Taako looks up at the lights above them, almost like he’s deliberating on something. “Yeah, you know what, yes.”

Lup tenses up slightly.

“And you know what? I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her.” Taako mimics Lup, crossing his arms over this chest and steeling his gaze at her. “She took you away from me. I don’t forgive people for doing that.”

“I took myself away from you.” Lup counters, stepping toward him. “I’m the one who left, I’m the one who died in a cave because I was careless, I’m the one who made an umbrella that ate me. She didn’t do that.”

“True,” Taako steps toward her now. “But she erased you.”

“To protect you!” Lup said, louder now. “She knew it was the only way for things to get better, she couldn’t let the memory of what we did ruin this world!”

“Then she should’ve asked us first!” Taako shouts, getting up in Lup’s face.

Lup, startled, steps back.

“She should have talked to us about it, she should have explained what needed to be done, she should have _asked_ first!” Taako’s hands were shaking. “But she didn’t!”

“Taako-!” Lup tries, but Taako ignores her.

“She didn’t!” He continues, still walking toward her slowly. “Instead, she erased it all without saying anything! She took away the memories of Barry, of Magnus, of Merle, of _you_ , she took away Davenport’s _life_ , she erased you completely!”

Lup stopped stepping back, letting Taako scream in her face. There was only one other time he had reacted like this at her. When she herself had betrayed his trust, and applied them to the IPRE without telling him. If there was one thing Taako was never okay with, it was not exercising consent.

“Instead, she went on this stupid righteous mission to right our wrongs and fix our mistakes _alone_ , bringing Davenport along out of _pity_ , and dragging me, Merle, and Magnus back into it because she couldn’t handle it herself!” Taako was screaming in Lup’s face, and he could feel his face getting red from anger. “If she couldn’t handle it herself, she _should have asked!_ ”

Lup waits, watching Taako pant from anger and slowly back off. She watches him get mad again, then look tired. She watches her brother, her _heart_ , start to cry hot tears of anger.

“She should have asked…” Taako sits on the floor, back against the cupboards, face covered by his hands. “We would have helped her…”

“I know.” Lup says, going over to him and sitting next to him. “I wish she had asked, too.”

Taako hiccoughs and sniffles, wiping his face with his apron.

“I can’t fathom how it must have felt to remember me and realize you’d lost me already.” Lup doesn’t like to skirt around the issues, and cuts deep into the problems early.

Taako jolts with newfound tears. Though, he’s somewhat thankful for her doing that.

“And I can’t imagine how much you must hate her for it.” Lup puts her arm around Taako’s shoulders.

“I don’t hate her…” Taako mutters, surprising Lup.

“You don’t?” Lup raises an eyebrow.

“No…” Taako sighs out a chuckle. “I think, logically, I understand why she did it. And I know her, you know?”

Lup nods.

“So, no, I don’t hate her. I can’t.” Taako huffs, leaning back on the cupboards. “But I won’t forgive her. I refuse to.”

“Stubborn ass.” Lup smacks his head. “But I get it. I think.”

“You don’t have to.” Taako takes a deep breath, then sighs. He sits up, stretches his arms, then slumps back down. “Fuck, I hate feelings.”

“Really?” Lup chuckles. “I love them.”

Taako rolls his eyes and stands up, turning to the sink to wash his face a bit. Lup stands, too, and turns to look at the plates.

“You’re not being subtle, though.” Lup grins.

“What?” Taako turns to her, dabbing his cheek with a towel.

“You’re missing a plate, bro.” Lup points to the empty part of the counter, and Taako looks confused until he doesn’t.

“Shit, what?” Taako looks frantic. “I always make enough food, what the-?”

“Subconsciously you’re singling her out.” Lup shrugs.

“Man, I’m an asshole…” Taako gets to work making a single serving of food for Lucretia, realizing his stubborn mind’s mistake.

“Only a little bit.” Lup kisses his cheek and goes to rejoin the group. She stops only for a moment to turn back and say, “Also, we need to talk about this with her later.”

And Taako’s shoulders tense up. But when he turns to remark something to her, Lup is gone from the doorway.

Back in the commons, the group is aware that something went down. They heard distant yelling, but couldn’t hear everything that was said. Though, “ _she should have asked_ ” was repeating over and over in their heads. Lucretia had disappeared.

Lup walks in and instantly knows they heard something of her and Taako’s conversation.

“Where’s Lucretia?” Lup asks, noticing she’s gone from the room.

“She said something about needing to organize books or something?” Merle supplies, looking uncomfortable.

“’Kay.” Lup turns and makes for the door, with the intension of going to the library. Lup may not have been with her the whole year but she knew Lucretia. She would be in the library.

Except, Lup had been wrong. The library was empty. Lucretia’s office was empty. And she wasn’t in the dorms. Lup was starting to get anxious when she found Lucretia on the Starblaster.

She is sitting on the deck, clearly crying like no one can see her. When Lup approaches she jumps and stills.

“Lucy, are you okay?” Lup asks, knowing the answer.

“No.” Lucretia answers simply, her voice shaking horribly. “He’s right.”

Lup doesn’t answer, even though she doesn’t totally agree.

“He’s right, I should have asked you all, I should have talked about it with you, I should have-!” Lucretia is cut off by Lup hugging her tightly from behind.

“Lucy, it doesn’t fucking matter what you should have done. You did what you did, and it’s okay to regret it, but you can’t live your life beating yourself up over it.” Lup feels Lucretia tremble in her hold. “I’m still proud of you.”

Lucretia loses her composure and cries her heart out. She wails and screams and gets all her feelings out. Something about it scares Lup a bit, having never seen Lucretia like this. But she holds her, and waits.

Back in the commons, the group sits patiently at the dining table. Taako is tapping his foot, the sound cutting through the silent room. Barry has tried twice now to start their lunch, but Taako had snapped at him.

“We will wait for Lup and Lucretia, and so help me Istus we will eat like a family.” Taako had growled at him.

Eventually, when Magnus’ coffee was emptied and refilled, and when Merle’s kids had ignored Taako and eaten their food watching TV, Lup and Lucretia reenter the commons. Taako stands straighter and waits for someone to say something.

“Taako, can I talk with you after lunch?” Lucretia asks, her voice steady and hoping. Taako can tell she’s been crying but she’s clearly cleaned up.

“Sure.” Taako shrugs, and sits at the table like he hadn’t been standing and waiting for her for almost an hour.

And just like that, the silence breaks. Barry breathes a sigh of relief, and Lup smiles wide. Taako’s one-year silence toward Lucretia is over, and now they get to eat.

To Lup’s delight, throughout the meal, Lucretia and Taako talk like nothing has happened. Taako mentions the work he’s been doing with Ren and Lucretia applauds his choice to open a magic school. Lucretia talks about her work in cleaning up the mess made by the hunger and herself and Taako seems to soften after that, asking about the rebuilding efforts he’s heard of in Phandalin, and Lucretia happily talks about it with him. After lunch, though, they don’t stop talking. Taako makes Lucretia coffee, and tea for himself, and they sit together on the couch of the commons.

Lup decided to leave them be, trusting that they could work it out themselves. She knows she has a habit of being protective, and subsequently a bit controlling, so she follows Barry and Angus to the library to help Angus study.

Taako, sipping on his chai tea, listens as Lucretia talks.

“I know you probably haven’t forgiven me…” Lucretia starts, looking into her coffee, her eyebrows pulling together. “And I don’t blame you. Had I been in your place I wouldn’t ever want to.”

Taako nods, trying his best not to let his usual outbursts happen.

“And I know what I did was awful…” Lucretia closes her eyes and tries not to think about it. “But I still want to be… F-friends?”

It comes off as a question, and Taako raises an eyebrow in amusement.

“Friends.” Lucretia decides, nodding. “Yes, I hope we can mend our friendship. I only wanted the best for everyone, and I spent weeks thinking it over.”

“Alone.” Taako interrupts. He mentally kicks himself for doing it, but it effectively moves things along.

“I-…” Lucretia looks at him.

“You thought about it, you decided upon the best of all the options, but you did it _alone_ , Lucretia, and that’s why I’m upset.” Taako is being surprisingly civil and calm in his words and Lucretia thanks the gods for it. If he wasn’t keeping his cool, she wouldn’t be either.

“… And I completely understand that.” Lucretia keeps staring at him.

“I’m angry at you.” Taako huffs. “And I’m not ever planning on forgiving you.”

Lucretia’s heart tugs, but she remains composed.

“But I don’t hate you.” He admits. “I’m not in the business of burning that bridge.”

Lucretia stays silent.

“I think I understand why you did what you did.” Taako takes a sip of his tea. “But I’m never going to forgive you. I’ll stop being angry, but I’ll never forgive you.”

Lucretia just watches and waits.

“… I just wish you had asked.” Taako finishes, looking up at her. “I’m angry because you didn’t even try to talk about it. You didn’t share that drinking the Kool-Aid lets you remember what’s been eaten by the Voidfish. You didn’t put it to a vote. You didn’t even _ask_.”

Lucretia lets this rip at her heart.

“Even if we had said no and you had done it anyway, at least you had asked.” Taako puts his cup down on the coffee table, his hand shaking. “I’m not angry at what you did, you thought it was best and acted accordingly, I get that. Believe me…”

Lucretia nods.

“What makes me angry- what makes my blood _boil_ , Lucretia? You didn’t even ask.”

It’s silent for a while then, and slowly Taako calms down from his anger. Lucretia makes no move to comfort him, and he’s thankful for it. Soon, it feels like time to talk, so Lucretia does.

“Thank you.” She says. “Thank you for holding me accountable.”

Taako looks confused.

“Everyone else has been so understanding, so calm, so patient. Lup even said she’s proud of me.” Lucretia folds her hands in her lap around her coffee mug. “No one has lashed out at me, no one has shouted at me, no one has gotten even remotely mad or upset at all. And it started to feel fake, I was worried they were just holding back their true thoughts and feelings. But you didn’t do that. You never do.”

Lucretia’s fond smile is contagious, and soon Taako is hiding a smile.

“You’ve always been outspoken. So, thank you, Taako.” Lucretia sighs. “Thank you for doing that. I hope we can still be friends.”

“… Yeah, of course, Lucy.” Taako says, sitting up and hugging her.

After this, they go to the library as well. Angus is learning about evocation magic from Lup, who is doing controlled examples of some of the high-level stuff. Barry is trying to find something else he can teach Angus about other than necromancy since that’s a bit frowned upon by most people. As Lucretia and Taako walk in, they look up and freeze for a moment before seeming to confirm everything went over well.

“Yo, bro!” Lup shouts, waving. The librarian has long-since given up trying to shut people up, and simply sighs loudly from their desk.

“Whatcha learning there, Ango?” Taako asks as they walk up, smiling as he sees the book of evocation. “Ooh, playing with fire today?”

“Just a little bit, sir!” Angus says, smiling wide. “Miss Lup was showing me some examples of some really high-level spells.”

The rest of the day is spent talking about magic and Angus’ school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part was mostly getting some of my feelings out about Lucretia. I really feel like a lot of conflict could have been avoided if she had talked with them. But anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading! And again, if you liked it, should I do one for Magnus? I'll probably cry again, but y'know... Comments are welcome!


	3. Part Three: Taako: The Second One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako and Magnus share a moment. It's all part of healing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be part of part two, but it turned into its own part. I've always thought about this since after we learned about Lup, and I needed to write it. Enjoy!

The night comes, and everyone sleeps at the base, not wanting to leave just yet. It turns out to be a bad idea for Taako.

While sitting alone in his old bed, left alone to his thoughts, he can’t sleep. Maybe it was because Lup wasn’t there, maybe it was because of all the excitement, but he couldn’t sleep. Everything got worse when he felt something happen to him.

His glamour spell wearing off.

Instantly he was a mess of hyperventilating and rushing through his bag to find his wand. When he couldn’t find it, he ran to his old desk for a spare one, only to find that someone had cleared them out. He quickly remembered that they had been donated to his school and curses himself for it.

After he grabs a hat and veil from his floor, Taako creeps out of his room to try and find a wand to use. He can’t see very well, but he knows this place like he knows the Starblaster. He tiptoes around corners and down halls until he’s in the commons, where he almost screams when someone addresses him.

“Taako?” Magnus’ voice calls from the couch, and there, in his jammies with puppies all over them, sits Magnus Burnsides. And Taako freezes. “Why are you wearing that?”

It had only been early on that Magnus would ask why he wasn’t sleeping, having to be constantly reminded that he was an elf. And it had become normal to find him out and about in the early hours of the morning. As well, it had been more common than anyone would have liked for Taako to randomly cover his face and cast something after Wonderland. Sometimes he wore veils anyway. But it was not, in fact, normal for him to be out and about during the night wearing a veil and his pajamas. And Magnus knew this.

“Is something wrong?” Magnus asks.

“… Have you seen my wand?” Taako asks, slowly straightening up, trying to act normal.

“Nope, did you lose it?” Magnus stands up, also acting normal.

“Yeah, unfortunately.” Taako tuts. “I thought it was in my bag, but I was wrong.”

“Well, let’s retrace your steps.” Magnus walks around the couch and crosses his arms, smiling. “Where were you when you last knew you had it?”

“I guess… The library?” Taako nods. “The library.”

“Let’s go check there first, then.” Magnus says.

And they do. They open the doors of the closed library and go over to the table where Angus had been studying. The books had been checked out by Angus and the table was clean. There was no sign of Taako’s wand anywhere around the table that Magnus could see. And Magnus had checked because Taako was still wearing his veil and couldn’t do it.

“Well, if it’s not here, where did you go next?” Magnus asks, turning back to Taako who was already thinking hard.

“The quad, I think.”

So, they checked there next. And that also came up empty. Taako was becoming more uncomfortable and Magnus was starting to feel more and more useless.

“Where to next?” Magnus tries, and Taako doesn’t respond. “Want to comb your room again and see?”

Taako just nods, and they make their way back.

Though, the breaking point from there is when Taako runs face-first into the doorframe.

“Taako!” Magnus tries not to shout, but he spins around, surprised.

“’m fine…!” Taako grumbles, holding his face. But the blood dripping to the floor gives him away.

“Come on, let’s go to the bathroom and-!” Magnus starts, but his helping hand is quickly swatted away.

“No!” Taako shouts. “I can handle it, I just need my wand first!”

“Taako, you’re bleeding, let’s go clean off your face and we can keep looking.” Magnus tries again.

Reluctantly, Taako lets himself be guided to the bathroom by the hand on his shoulder. Magnus has him sit on the toilet and gets some gauze from the first aid kit in the medicine cabinet. To Taako’s surprise, Magnus doesn’t make him take the veil off, but rather Magnus works to clean his face without being able to see it.

“Your nose might be broken.” Magnus observes, feeling Taako’s nose with the hand not holding gauze under it.

“Doesn’t matter…” Taako shrugs. No one will see it anyway.

“Well, you might not be able to breathe through it very well if it’s broken.” Magnus argues.

Taako shrugs again.

“… Can you please tell me what’s wrong?” Magnus uses his softest voice, trying his best to coax the truth out of Taako.

“… I don’t look like her anymore.” Taako’s broken voice shatters Magnus’ resolve.

The realization hits Magnus like the Rockport Limited hit Jenkins’ garden. Magnus does the only thing he can think of, which is to crush Taako in a hug. That seems to work, in a way, as Taako throws his arms around Magnus and cries freely onto his shoulder. Magnus tries to shush him as Taako coughs and almost chokes on his breath.

“Those fucking liches took her away from me too, and I didn’t even realize it, and now I don’t look like her unless I use that spell, and I can’t stop using it, I won’t stop using it, I don’t want to look different from her!” Taako’s broken sobs meld with his babbling and all Magnus can do is hold him tighter. “I don’t care that it looks less beautiful or whatever, but it doesn’t look like _her!_ ”

“I know…” Magnus tries to calm him by petting his hair.

“We used to be the same, and I used to look like her, and I didn’t even know it, Mags, I couldn’t have!” Taako has a bout of hyperventilating, then sighs. “I gave up my sister without knowing it and I hate every second that I have to look in the mirror and not see her!”

“I know, Taako…” Magnus’ heart is broken, hearing the elf sob and cry out like this. It makes Taako seem so small, which he certainly is not. It makes Taako feel young, which he knows is wrong. It makes Magnus feel useless, which seems to be happening a lot lately.

“I don’t want to not look like her…” Taako’s voice quiets, his quick breaths dying down as well. “I hate that I gave it away, I want it back more than anything.”

“I don’t doubt that.” Magnus nods, letting Taako pull himself back.

“Every stupid fucking second that the spell isn’t going, I’m reminded I look so much older than she does.” Taako throws the veil onto the floor in childish defiance. “I hate myself for giving her away.”

“Taako…” Magnus’ heart is aching with the need to help. “You didn’t give her away, you always had her. And you still do.”

“But I didn’t know that, and I hate that too…” Taako puts his face in his hands, making a face at the blood on his hands.

“Taako, look at me.” Magnus’ voice is stern, so Taako looks up.

Taako’s face still looks like his. His nose hooks down just a bit more, he has visible bags under his eyes from odd sleeping habits, his ears are slightly lopsided, but other than that he looks the same. Though, Magnus can see what he means when Taako says he doesn’t look like his sister anymore. Lup’s face looks identical to how Taako’s used to. Understandable, since they were identical twins. But now, after Wonderland and without Taako’s glamour, he doesn’t look exactly like her anymore. Even more so, Lup looks the same as she did the day her and Barry became liches. Magnus knows how much time has passed since then, how much Taako would look different regardless of Wonderland. He decides to try and use this to make Taako feel better about his decision.

“Taako…” Magnus starts. “You would have looked different anyway.”

Taako furrows his brows.

“Lup became a lich, so she looks the same as she did that day.” Magnus starts, and Taako’s eyes widen with understanding. “Its been- how long since then? A decade? You’ve grown a lot since then, so you two would look different anyway.”

Taako is silent.

“So, it wasn’t because of your decision in Wonderland that you two look different, not really. You two already looked different by then anyway.” Magnus finishes, and he hopes with all his heart that he’s helped Taako feel better.

“… I guess you’re right…” Taako looks off to the side. “Yeah. You’re right.”

Magnus is carefully hopeful, and Taako leans back onto the toilet and sighs.

“You’re gonna have to break my nose back into place, aren’t you?” Taako says, his tone wary.

“… Yeah probably.” Magnus makes a face at the idea.

“… It really hurts.” Taako grimaces, eyeing the dried blood on his hands. “And I need a shower now.”

“Let’s fix your nose first and then you can clean up.” Magnus stands up and turns back to the sink to wash his hands.

After breaking the bone back into place for now, so that when Merle has to heal him later there isn’t any irreparable damage, Taako and Magnus both wash their hands and faces. Taako avoids looking into the mirror but doesn’t put his veil back on, so Magnus counts this as progress.

They walk to Magnus’ room and Taako says he’ll be staying up to make food. Magnus asks for him to make his favorite dessert and Taako happily obliges. A moment before Magnus goes into his room, Taako speaks one last time.

“Thanks, Mags.” It’s casual, and informal, but Magnus knows the weight it holds. He nods and Taako leaves for the kitchen.

And he stays there, cooking, until the sun rises.

Just when he almost has a panic attack, though, he finds his wand in the drawer of utensils, and vaguely remembered throwing it in there after he spoke with Lup the day before.

He thinks for only a moment, before casting the spell that makes his chest feel a bit less tight, and his nose a little less broken. He’ll still go see Merle about it, but after breakfast for sure.

But he doesn’t change everything. He lets his hair stay frizzy, and he lets the newer scars and freckles show. _Baby steps_ , he thinks.

And Taako makes himself coffee and watches as his big sister trudges into the room, her hair a mess and her clothes hardly on from tossing and turning all night.

He smiles when she asks about his scars, and tells her each one’s story over coffee and breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously though, let me know if one of these for Magnus would be a thing anyone wants. I also have feelings about him, but honestly my feelings about the twins were too strong to not write about. I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
